Me: "Please do not use a pen."
Student: "But my pencil is dull."
Me:  "Really?  Lucky for you they have recently created an invention that sharpens wood.  I think it might work on your pencil, and we just so happen to have one over there."

Today for White Ribbon Week the students were supposed to dress up as someone else.

Me:  "Did you dress up as someone today?"
Student: "Yes, you!  I was going to pop the lenses out of my 3D glasses and wear them too, but my brother broke them."

Hair in a bun - check
Cardigan -  check
School Shirt - check
Skinny Jeans - check
Boots - check

How did I not notice?

Student:  "Ahhhhh!  My eye!"
Me: "What happened?"
Student: "I accidentally squirted hand sanitizer in my eye!"

How does that even happen?